A lot of people think it odd that I choose to live alone, here in South America it seems to be expected that you are part of a big family and are amazed when they hear that I live alone. They assume that you must be very lonely, and try and involve you in things, but I want to choose the things I do, and not have to join in because people think I might need to be involved with others around me.
There is a world of difference between being "alone" and being "lonely". "Alone" is a physical state, no-one else around, and "lonely" is a mental state, when you feel bereft because no-one is around, though you can easily feel lonely in a crowd of people, or with loved ones, particularly if you feel that the others do not understand you.
I like being alone - I do not feel the need to have other people around me all the time, I do not feel the need to be part of a group or crowd, and, in fact, I avoid crowds whenever I can. Maybe it is because I was a very shy child, so was able to enjoy my own company - I could immerse myself in a book, or even watching a spider build a web, and didn't have to share that with anyone else to feel fulfilled. that doesn't mean that I do not enjoy the company of others, just that I now want that to be on my terms.
I used to work with guys who went out together in their free time, to the pub, to the cinema, to the disco, etc. and saw each other day in, day out, and I could not imagine anything worse - there was no spontaneity, no variety - if it was Wednesday it was disco night, Thursday was karaoke, and so on. When I lived in Mozambique we had a golf course in the village, and I used to go and play most afternoons - alone! Even if my friends were planning to play I would go out earlier, on my own, as I preferred it that way. I met up with them at the club most days, and we used to do things as a group, but I realise now I was always a bit aloof, and used to pass on some of the more dubious escapades!
I was married for 19 years, and living with my wife (now ex-wife) for some years before we tied the knot, and it was an enjoyable time for the most part. We used to do a lot together, and in fact I had very few interests outside family life, so married life was everything to me. After our divorce my daughter came to live with me, until she went away to University, so I had someone living with me for a few more years, but for the past 10 years or so I have lived alone - happily alone.
I can do what I want when I want, without anyone bothering me, and don't have to worry about my actions (in the home) affecting anyone else - I was, I think, a considerate house-mate while married, and would never dream of doing anything that might inconvenience anyone else - nor being bothered by the actions of anyone else. I have a large house in Brazil, and often I am asked why I don't rent out a room, or find a partner to share with - and basically there are 2 reasons, the main one being that I enjoy being alone and would feel uncomfortable working my life around anyone else (lodger or partner), and the second one is that I am very independent and feel I could not afford to support a second person. OK, I am conveniently ignoring the fact that they might also contribute to the household - but the latter stages of my marriage this "partnership" fell apart due to loss of earnings from my wife (medical grounds) and my inability to support us alone, and do not want the stress of being in that situation again.
I now own two motorbikes, one in Brazil to run around town in (I do have a car there but use it only for long journeys), and one here for fishing and touring. I did consider buying a second-hand car here in Peru, but realised that this might solicit requests for lifts when I travel - so the bike allows me to travel alone at my own pace (even though not as comfortably as in a car!). I travel alone, stopping when I want for as long as I want, and generally in pretty remote spots (avoiding crowds!), and never feel lonely. If I have enough food in the house I can spend days without venturing beyond the boundary on my property, and if I do venture further I may just go for a ride along the coast (or down to the river in Brazil!) away from "civilisation", or here in Peru just a walk along the promenade and finding a quiet spot to watch the sea. I may not even say a word to anyone the whole time I am out.
I suppose it would be nice to find a soul-mate, someone to share the remainder of my life with - and it could be a like-minded male just as easily as a female partner (though I rather hope the relationship would be different!) - but I do not feel a "need" for company, I am not looking for any sort of relationship, and am quite content being alone - but never lonely!
Circumstances made me move to Brazil in 2009, and I spent 6 months of the year there, and the remaining time in Peru, until 2020 when the Covid hit, trapping me in Peru for 14 months, before I managed to return to the UK, where I now reside permanently. I see the world through slightly rose-tinted glasses, but maybe because I have been fortunate in not suffering too many hardships along the way, and maintaining an optimistic, but realistic outlook on life.
Wednesday 22 April 2015
Hair and barbers
Hair - we all have it, some more than others, and some in places we don't want it. I am not talking about hair we remove for aesthetic reasons - like underarm, pubic area, and ladies' legs - but rather ears, nose and rampant body hair! As we get older, at least in my case, the ear and nose hair seem to grow more rapidly (not only inside the ears but round the outside too!!), but for most men the head hair seems to recede and eventually disappear, and some shave what little they have remaining as they think it looks better than tufts around the cranium!
My father started losing his hair at quite an early age, and had nothing "on top" by the age of 40, though he left what remained and kept it trimmed at the barbershop. Interestingly both my grandfathers died with full heads of hair, and at 62 I still have very vigorous hair, though now "salt and pepper" coloured, and slightly receding both sides above the eyes.
When I was 22, living in Durban, South Africa, I read an article that said that combing the hair, was very bad for the scalp and could lead to early onset baldness! I immediately went out and bought a hairbrush and have used one ever since - and as I still have all (well the majority of) my hair maybe there was something in that article!
I have had friends who used to spend inordinate amounts of money on their hair - from visiting expensive stylists, blow drying (I am talking males here!), putting all sorts of creams and potions on their heads, tinting, dyeing, and so on. I have always looked for the cheapest barber I can find who does a good job - I have better things to spend what little money I have always had than on my hair - and only go when it starts to get unruly. I have a simple trim, and never let them put any creams, powders, liquids on it - Brylcreem used to be in every barbershop, usually in a fancy pump dispenser (though I must admit that on occasions in the past I have used Brylcreem to tame my mane!).
I recall when we moved to Angola in 1960 I was taken to a local barber - and everything went well until he produced a cut-throat razor (to trim my neckline). I had never had this done before, and had an irrational feeling he was going to cut my throat so would not let him near me with this weapon! After a little gentle persuasion my mother convinced me this was normal and he was not a reincarnation of Sweeney Todd.
Back in England in the mid-60's I used to visit a barber in my village - he was a little man, probably no more than 4 feet tall (he had callipers on one leg, so had obviously had some childhood ailment), but appeared to manage cutting with no problems. The only weird thing was that at 4.00pm, every day like clockwork, he would stop what he was doing (even with a customer in the chair), and without a word leave the shop to go home for his tea! Usually around 15 minutes later he would return and continue as if nothing had happened!
At one stage I used to go to a small market town nearby for my haircut - the barber had a small shop, but with a waiting room for the overflow as he was always incredibly busy. He was good and very quick so you never had too long to wait, and it was better than the 10 mile drive to the nearby city, fight for parking, and then look for a barbershop! What amazed me was how rude he was to his customers - "what the f*ck have you come here for, you expect me to waste my time on that mop you call hair?" - and they loved it! Some even gave back as good as they got, though I was always a bit wary as in a few minutes you would be sitting in his chair entrusting him with your hair (and your ears as he had scissors in his hand!). He closed at 5.00pm, but would tell his regulars to come round to his house and he would cut their hair later that evening (which also meant that this wouldn't go through the books!). He eventually retired so I had to look elsewhere.
When I moved to Brazil there used to be a barber in the town I lived in - but opening hours were random (like many things!) and eventually he appeared to move on, so I have to drive 70kms (40 miles) to a nearby town when my hair needs cutting. Actually I usually wait till I have other things I need to do there, so my hair is generally pretty long by the time I get round to it. The barber does a good job, but takes forever over it - going back over the same areas several times, and then cutting a bit more off.
This brings me to something I have found over the years - the different cutting styles between male and female barbers (hairdressers, if you like). Barbers over the years have tended to cut with a combination of comb and scissors, using the comb to control the depth of cut (and also using "serrated" scissors to thin out hair), while hairdressers tend to gather the hair between two fingers and use that as their "depth stop". On occasion I have used a hairdresser for convenience - once we had one in our village, and another used to come to the house to cut my wife's hair, and I have also waited in hairdressers for my wife or mother so seen how they cut.
The barbers I have been to in Brazil have all cut "hairdresser" style - but as very few tradesmen have any formal training I actually wonder if they have learnt their craft from mothers, wives or girlfriends (or just watching them cut!!) so that is why, rather than that this is the normal barber methodology of Brazil. I went to a barber here in Peru yesterday, and he was old-school, barber-style cutting and extremely efficient (and at 10 Peruvian soles, around £2.10, very reasonable!). I actually came out looking neat and tidy, but not looking as though I had just had my haircut!
My father started losing his hair at quite an early age, and had nothing "on top" by the age of 40, though he left what remained and kept it trimmed at the barbershop. Interestingly both my grandfathers died with full heads of hair, and at 62 I still have very vigorous hair, though now "salt and pepper" coloured, and slightly receding both sides above the eyes.
When I was 22, living in Durban, South Africa, I read an article that said that combing the hair, was very bad for the scalp and could lead to early onset baldness! I immediately went out and bought a hairbrush and have used one ever since - and as I still have all (well the majority of) my hair maybe there was something in that article!
I have had friends who used to spend inordinate amounts of money on their hair - from visiting expensive stylists, blow drying (I am talking males here!), putting all sorts of creams and potions on their heads, tinting, dyeing, and so on. I have always looked for the cheapest barber I can find who does a good job - I have better things to spend what little money I have always had than on my hair - and only go when it starts to get unruly. I have a simple trim, and never let them put any creams, powders, liquids on it - Brylcreem used to be in every barbershop, usually in a fancy pump dispenser (though I must admit that on occasions in the past I have used Brylcreem to tame my mane!).
I recall when we moved to Angola in 1960 I was taken to a local barber - and everything went well until he produced a cut-throat razor (to trim my neckline). I had never had this done before, and had an irrational feeling he was going to cut my throat so would not let him near me with this weapon! After a little gentle persuasion my mother convinced me this was normal and he was not a reincarnation of Sweeney Todd.
Back in England in the mid-60's I used to visit a barber in my village - he was a little man, probably no more than 4 feet tall (he had callipers on one leg, so had obviously had some childhood ailment), but appeared to manage cutting with no problems. The only weird thing was that at 4.00pm, every day like clockwork, he would stop what he was doing (even with a customer in the chair), and without a word leave the shop to go home for his tea! Usually around 15 minutes later he would return and continue as if nothing had happened!
At one stage I used to go to a small market town nearby for my haircut - the barber had a small shop, but with a waiting room for the overflow as he was always incredibly busy. He was good and very quick so you never had too long to wait, and it was better than the 10 mile drive to the nearby city, fight for parking, and then look for a barbershop! What amazed me was how rude he was to his customers - "what the f*ck have you come here for, you expect me to waste my time on that mop you call hair?" - and they loved it! Some even gave back as good as they got, though I was always a bit wary as in a few minutes you would be sitting in his chair entrusting him with your hair (and your ears as he had scissors in his hand!). He closed at 5.00pm, but would tell his regulars to come round to his house and he would cut their hair later that evening (which also meant that this wouldn't go through the books!). He eventually retired so I had to look elsewhere.
When I moved to Brazil there used to be a barber in the town I lived in - but opening hours were random (like many things!) and eventually he appeared to move on, so I have to drive 70kms (40 miles) to a nearby town when my hair needs cutting. Actually I usually wait till I have other things I need to do there, so my hair is generally pretty long by the time I get round to it. The barber does a good job, but takes forever over it - going back over the same areas several times, and then cutting a bit more off.
This brings me to something I have found over the years - the different cutting styles between male and female barbers (hairdressers, if you like). Barbers over the years have tended to cut with a combination of comb and scissors, using the comb to control the depth of cut (and also using "serrated" scissors to thin out hair), while hairdressers tend to gather the hair between two fingers and use that as their "depth stop". On occasion I have used a hairdresser for convenience - once we had one in our village, and another used to come to the house to cut my wife's hair, and I have also waited in hairdressers for my wife or mother so seen how they cut.
The barbers I have been to in Brazil have all cut "hairdresser" style - but as very few tradesmen have any formal training I actually wonder if they have learnt their craft from mothers, wives or girlfriends (or just watching them cut!!) so that is why, rather than that this is the normal barber methodology of Brazil. I went to a barber here in Peru yesterday, and he was old-school, barber-style cutting and extremely efficient (and at 10 Peruvian soles, around £2.10, very reasonable!). I actually came out looking neat and tidy, but not looking as though I had just had my haircut!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)