My last full-time job was managing a residential activity centre for a large female-only charity in the UK. The property consisted of a 12 bed-roomed house with around 40 beds (an old Rectory), 6 campsites (4 of which had direct access to showers and toilets), and a variety of adventurous activities.
Our focus, obviously, had to be the members of the organisation, but we allowed others to use the facilities at times that didn't clash with the charity's needs, so term-time weekdays we had schools camping and using the activities as they were not needed by the members, and similarly the house could be booked during the week for schools, business conferences, or even residential stays (occasionally by groups of "retired" or senior members).
Weekends were generally reserved for the association, as were the campsites during the school holidays. We were, however, always open to new ideas to generate income for the charity, and offset the considerable running costs. Weekday business conferences were one of the services we offered, as well as training days (using our adventurous activities), but the take-up was relatively poor.
One day one of my assistants came in and said "Why don't we do weddings? A lot of country houses like this do and we could charge a lot of money for the facility." I may have been a little hasty at pouring cold water on the idea, but listed my "objections":
1. Most weddings are weekends, and this is core time for our members
2. Weddings tend to be noisy and we already have a poor reputation with some of our neighbours
3. Parking will be an issue - we only have parking for around 20 vehicles as it stands
4. We would probably have to close the entire site for the duration of the wedding - as we could hardly have revellers wandering around the estate and into campsites occupied by young female members
5. A Saturday wedding (well, any day of the week wedding) would probably require the previous day for preparing and decorating the venue, and the following day for clearing and cleaning - so we would be looking at a 3 day booking for the wedding.
6. Staffing would be expensive as we do not currently have the staff required to attend a wedding
The other 2 assistantss looked at me as I listed all this - they had not considered any of these factors, simply that weddings bring in money! A counter suggestion was made that we "sell" it as venue only, and the clients do all the decorating, cleaning, catering, etc. but that still left the issue of lack of parking, noise, and not being able to have any other guests on site. I asked them to come up with a figure for "lost" income from other sources (activities, camping, etc.) for us to host a wedding, and whether they though the organisation would allow us to refuse a weekend booking to members in favour of a wedding. That idea went no further!
Some months later one of the staff suggested that we should consider hosting "business breakfasts" - there was a group of businessmen from the local Chamber of Commerce who held monthly (on a Friday) breakfasts, currently at a city hotel, but were looking for a new venue. As we had a large dining room with conference facilities, and with a separate entrance from the main house we could host these without interfering with any guests who might be in the house. These meetings were attended by anything between 20 and 60 businessmen, starting at 7.30 and running till around 10.00, so could be a good source of income - my assistant knew how much they were paying and felt we could match or beat that price
I paused briefly before responding, to collect my thoughts, and said I didn't think it was feasible - and before I could elaborate was immediately accused of being negative and rushing to decisions.
So again I enumerated my concerns:
1. If we are using the dining/conference room for these meetings where will any residents have breakfast?
2. Noise? 20 or more businessmen directly below some of the bedrooms.
3. Parking is still an issue - typically businessmen travel alone to these meetings so we could have 40 or more cars to find parking for (when we have space for 20 - assuming we have no other cars already in the car park)
4. With the event starting at 7.30 we would have an influx of people around that time, parking next to our largest campsite, and walking up to the main building past what could be several hundred children (schools or members) early in the morning.
5. Catering - our cook works Friday evenings as we usually have groups in most weekends, so we would have to get a contract cook, and waiting staff, to service the business meeting, and they would have to start probably an hour before the meeting commenced.
6. Toilet facilities - although we could shut them off from the main house we only have 2 toilets serving the dining room, one of which is our downstairs "accessible" toilet
7. Attendance at the meetings is voluntary so we would have no way of knowing whether we were getting 20 (or less!) or 60 delegates, so there was a great potential for wasted food, which we would have had to prepare ahead so it was ready for the 7.30 start.
8. Finally, although the meetings last till "around 10.00" this was not absolute so we could have delegates hanging around in meetings till later, making clearing the room difficult, and possibly even impacting on lunch preparations for any residents.
There was silence from my assistants - again they had not really considered any of these, but then both expressed amazement that I had taken such a short amount of time to assess all these factors, and come to my conclusion. It taught me that reaching a decision quickly can appear as though you have not given it due consideration, but I hope it also taught them that there are people, like me, who can analise something fully in moments, and are not rushing to a ill-conceived decision just because they do it quickly!
Circumstances made me move to Brazil in 2009, and I spent 6 months of the year there, and the remaining time in Peru, until 2020 when the Covid hit, trapping me in Peru for 14 months, before I managed to return to the UK, where I now reside permanently. I see the world through slightly rose-tinted glasses, but maybe because I have been fortunate in not suffering too many hardships along the way, and maintaining an optimistic, but realistic outlook on life.
Monday 19 February 2018
Sunday 18 February 2018
Gun Control
I tend to over-think things, to over-analyse, and when I read something though provoking I stop, consider what I have read, do a little research even, and then make up my own mind about it.
This week it is gun control - at the forefront of everyone's minds after the latest horrific school mass shooting in the USA. Immediate knee-jerk reaction to ban all guns, which of course goes against the Second Amendment of the US Constitution "the right to bear arms"!
Fact - the US has the highest per capita gun ownership in the world
Fact - the US has the highest number of "mass" shootings in the world
Fact - actually no fiction - the US does not have the highest rate of gun homicide in the world.
In terms of gun deaths per 100,000 population per year the US comes in at number 11, behind countries like Honduras (6 times higher than the US!), Venezuela and Swaziland but interestingly of the "top" 20 one is in Asia (the Philippines at #13), one in Europe (Montenegro at #12), two in Africa (Swaziland at #3, and South Africa at #14) and the rest, all 16, are in the Americas!
Fact - most gun deaths in the USA are suicides
But the fact is that it is these "mass killings", and especially at schools, that catch everyone's attention and create the call for tighter gun control. People love quoting "Guns don't kill people, people do" - and they are right, it needs someone to pull the trigger, but that person also needs to be in the state of mind that makes them go out and kill as many people as possible.
Propped up against the table amongst my Christmas presents is a Diana model 22 (caliber .177) air rifle - bought by my parents, and I was 7 years old!
I took that rifle with me whenever we went out for a drive, and used to carry it about - but never shot at any animals back then, and certainly would never have shot anyone with it - even at that age I knew that would be wrong. My "targets" were tin cans, paper targets, old light bulbs (challenging when they were swinging!), and my Dad and I used to play "darts" on the verandah with the tiny flighted darts you could buy for airguns! Later in Mozambique, when I was 15 I used it for rat control in our chicken run, and got pretty good at taking down running rats in the tree branches.
This week it is gun control - at the forefront of everyone's minds after the latest horrific school mass shooting in the USA. Immediate knee-jerk reaction to ban all guns, which of course goes against the Second Amendment of the US Constitution "the right to bear arms"!
Fact - the US has the highest per capita gun ownership in the world
Fact - the US has the highest number of "mass" shootings in the world
Fact - actually no fiction - the US does not have the highest rate of gun homicide in the world.
In terms of gun deaths per 100,000 population per year the US comes in at number 11, behind countries like Honduras (6 times higher than the US!), Venezuela and Swaziland but interestingly of the "top" 20 one is in Asia (the Philippines at #13), one in Europe (Montenegro at #12), two in Africa (Swaziland at #3, and South Africa at #14) and the rest, all 16, are in the Americas!
Fact - most gun deaths in the USA are suicides
But the fact is that it is these "mass killings", and especially at schools, that catch everyone's attention and create the call for tighter gun control. People love quoting "Guns don't kill people, people do" - and they are right, it needs someone to pull the trigger, but that person also needs to be in the state of mind that makes them go out and kill as many people as possible.
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| Christmas 1960 |
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| Out with my airgun |
I took that rifle with me whenever we went out for a drive, and used to carry it about - but never shot at any animals back then, and certainly would never have shot anyone with it - even at that age I knew that would be wrong. My "targets" were tin cans, paper targets, old light bulbs (challenging when they were swinging!), and my Dad and I used to play "darts" on the verandah with the tiny flighted darts you could buy for airguns! Later in Mozambique, when I was 15 I used it for rat control in our chicken run, and got pretty good at taking down running rats in the tree branches.
I do not recall being "taught" that guns were dangerous, or it being drummed into me that you don't point it at people - if anything I would only have to have been told that once and that would have been enough. So why is it that some people, or even some nations, treat weapons differently.
In the UK, my homeland, it is quite hard to own a weapon - low-powered airguns can be owned by anyone under 18, though others are considered to be "firearms" and need licences to own. Handguns are no longer available to the general public, nor are semi-automatic rifles (the favoured weapon of the mass shooter in the USA), but shotguns and hunting rifles need a firearms certificate before they can be purchased. Ammunition needs a separate licence as well! The licence is weapon specific - it must list the particular weapon it pertains too, and adding others requires this to be recorded. Weapons must also be stored securely, generally in a gun safe, and ammunition stored separately, also under lock and key. The police will periodically come and inspect how the weapons and ammunition are stored, and often when the licence is renewed (every 5 years). It is a complicated process to get a firearms certificate, and includes a medical report on suitability of the applicant.
I understand that in the USA you could buy a gun and walk out of the store (you can even buy one in Walmart, not just in licenced specialised firearm stores) with it around 30 minutes later, assuming you don't fall into one of the "prohibited" categories (convicted felon, diagnosed mental illness, history of drug abuse, etc.) on the FBI database - so as long as you do not appear on their database, even if you have undiagnosed mental illness (so you do not need a medical certificate stating competency like the UK), you can buy a firearm - and this includes handguns, assault rifles and semi-automatic weapons. I believe that the Las Vegas shooter had also bought an adaptor (bump stock) that effectively turned a semi into a fully automatic weapon, and sales of these are unregulated!
Now I am not saying that the USA should ban weapon sales completely (not without changing the Constitution), but I do feel that they need more regulation - it does need to be harder to legally acquire firearms, especially multiple firearms! The process should be more rigorous, the background checks more detailed, and include a medical assessment as to competency, and it certainly should take longer than 30 minutes to acquire a lethal weapon! Possibly the process should also include some guarantees about the storage of weapons and ammunition, as there are many cases of children finding loaded unsecured guns and shooting someone with it. This is going to be the most contentious point, though, as many gun owners claim they are for protection, and if you have to find a key and unlock a "safe" (could be a drawer!) to get at your weapon in response to, say, a home invasion this could prove the difference between life and death!
In the 60's my Dad purchased a .22 handgun while we were living in Angola, in response to the commencement of the liberation struggle by "terrorist" anti-government organisations. He kept the pistol, loaded, in his bedside drawer. A few days after he moved it to a lockable cupboard in our lounge (not sure why he did that) he awoke to find an intruder in their bedroom (a pet mongoose, rather than the two dogs sleeping on my parent's bed alerted him!) - he shouted and then went in pursuit, stopping to unlock the cupboard and collect the pistol, but by the time he had it the intruder had vanished. It turned out that it had been a former domestic servant who had been fired recently, as there was no "break-in" but rather the back door had been opened using a key that was "hidden" by the replacement domestic employee. My father, however, was left in quite a state by the incident - he wondered what would have happened had the gun still been in his bedside drawer, and whether he would have been able to shoot at the intruder, and what his reaction would have been had he actually hit and killed the intruder. It affected him so much that he decided to get rid of the gun, as he was unsure whether he could use it against another human being, even in defence of his family, and felt, therefore, that keeping it was dangerous.
My point here is that maybe the British have a different view of guns and their use, to the Americans, and possibly part of this is due to the fact that it is harder to get hold of one (legally!) and therefore "we" look upon it as a privilege, and not a "right" instilled in our Constitution.
In the UK, my homeland, it is quite hard to own a weapon - low-powered airguns can be owned by anyone under 18, though others are considered to be "firearms" and need licences to own. Handguns are no longer available to the general public, nor are semi-automatic rifles (the favoured weapon of the mass shooter in the USA), but shotguns and hunting rifles need a firearms certificate before they can be purchased. Ammunition needs a separate licence as well! The licence is weapon specific - it must list the particular weapon it pertains too, and adding others requires this to be recorded. Weapons must also be stored securely, generally in a gun safe, and ammunition stored separately, also under lock and key. The police will periodically come and inspect how the weapons and ammunition are stored, and often when the licence is renewed (every 5 years). It is a complicated process to get a firearms certificate, and includes a medical report on suitability of the applicant.
I understand that in the USA you could buy a gun and walk out of the store (you can even buy one in Walmart, not just in licenced specialised firearm stores) with it around 30 minutes later, assuming you don't fall into one of the "prohibited" categories (convicted felon, diagnosed mental illness, history of drug abuse, etc.) on the FBI database - so as long as you do not appear on their database, even if you have undiagnosed mental illness (so you do not need a medical certificate stating competency like the UK), you can buy a firearm - and this includes handguns, assault rifles and semi-automatic weapons. I believe that the Las Vegas shooter had also bought an adaptor (bump stock) that effectively turned a semi into a fully automatic weapon, and sales of these are unregulated!
Now I am not saying that the USA should ban weapon sales completely (not without changing the Constitution), but I do feel that they need more regulation - it does need to be harder to legally acquire firearms, especially multiple firearms! The process should be more rigorous, the background checks more detailed, and include a medical assessment as to competency, and it certainly should take longer than 30 minutes to acquire a lethal weapon! Possibly the process should also include some guarantees about the storage of weapons and ammunition, as there are many cases of children finding loaded unsecured guns and shooting someone with it. This is going to be the most contentious point, though, as many gun owners claim they are for protection, and if you have to find a key and unlock a "safe" (could be a drawer!) to get at your weapon in response to, say, a home invasion this could prove the difference between life and death!
In the 60's my Dad purchased a .22 handgun while we were living in Angola, in response to the commencement of the liberation struggle by "terrorist" anti-government organisations. He kept the pistol, loaded, in his bedside drawer. A few days after he moved it to a lockable cupboard in our lounge (not sure why he did that) he awoke to find an intruder in their bedroom (a pet mongoose, rather than the two dogs sleeping on my parent's bed alerted him!) - he shouted and then went in pursuit, stopping to unlock the cupboard and collect the pistol, but by the time he had it the intruder had vanished. It turned out that it had been a former domestic servant who had been fired recently, as there was no "break-in" but rather the back door had been opened using a key that was "hidden" by the replacement domestic employee. My father, however, was left in quite a state by the incident - he wondered what would have happened had the gun still been in his bedside drawer, and whether he would have been able to shoot at the intruder, and what his reaction would have been had he actually hit and killed the intruder. It affected him so much that he decided to get rid of the gun, as he was unsure whether he could use it against another human being, even in defence of his family, and felt, therefore, that keeping it was dangerous.
My point here is that maybe the British have a different view of guns and their use, to the Americans, and possibly part of this is due to the fact that it is harder to get hold of one (legally!) and therefore "we" look upon it as a privilege, and not a "right" instilled in our Constitution.
Thursday 8 February 2018
Game watching - Part 2. Gorongosa
4 years after our return from Angola we were back in Africa again, this time in Mozambique, living on a remote sugar estate on the banks of the Zambezi River. My sister and I both then started at boarding schools in Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe, and our trip to school was by plane, taxi and train, and took almost a day to complete!
Shortly after our arrival we made our first trip by road, to Rhodesia, to visit the schools and get our school uniforms in Salisbury, the capital now called Harare. We flew to Beira, the closest city to us and picked up our car - I am not sure if it was a rental, or belonged to someone my father knew - a VW Beetle! Not the biggest car for a road trip for a family of four, but certainly up to the job - except it regularly got punctures, which we became expert at changing! On the way back from Rhodesia we were stopping off at a game reserve in Mozambique called Gorongosa (we actually used to fly over part of the reserve on our way from Beira to our home on the sugar estate), which was only accessible during the "dry season" because of the dirt roads.We were somehow delayed on the way so were pushing on a bit on the dirt access road to arrive at the gates before they closed them - around 30 minutes before sundown, to allow vehicles back to the safety of the main camp in daylight - when we got another puncture! After a moment's hesitation to swear we all leapt out of the car and were back on the way in around 5 minutes, arriving at the main gate with minutes to spare! We were able to get the flat fixed overnight in the camp, and at first light were queuing at the inner gate, eager to get out into the reserve.
We were not to be disappointed! Back then Gorongosa was little visited, certainly not as internationally famous as Kruger Park in South Africa, but was well known for a large lion population
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| Sleeping lion near the old main camp - now known as "casa dos leões", "(lions' house) |
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| Close up of sleeping lion |
as well as large numbers of elephant, though it was almost the end of the first day before we came across any of these elusive giants. We had heard them in the thick forest, and come across fresh "sign", droppings and recently broken branches, but getting a clear sight of them proved extremely hard at first.
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| Our first elephant |
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| This one first pulled up a small bush to threaten us with |
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| Lion on the kill |
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| Even the young lions were enjoying the bounty |
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| The big boss was centre stage |
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| With full belly, looking for somewhere to sleep it off - the waiting vultures could now have their turn |
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| Gnu, or Wildebeest |
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| Elephant family on the move |
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| Some of Gorongosa's buffalo, taken from the air while flying home over the plains (this part of the reserve is inaccessible to vehicles) from school! |
Game watching - Part 1: Quiçama, Angola
In 1960 my family moved to Angola in Africa, my father having accepted a three-year contract with a British company based in Luanda, the capital. Back then it was quite an adventure travelling to Africa, and we spent almost 4 weeks on a ship from the UK.
It wasn't long after we got there that we made our first trip to a game reserve, called Quiçama (pronounced Kiss-ah-ma), which was around 70 kms (43 miles) from the capital. In those days almost all the roads in Angola were dirt, in very poor condition, and in many places impassable during the rainy season, which left huge potholes where the water had been standing. My Dad had a Ford Anglia as his "company car", and as this was totally inadequate for a trip like this, he borrowed a Land Rover from a work colleague who hunted ...
Back in those days my Dad's camera was a 35mm Kodak Retinette with a standard fixed focus lens, which used film that produced slides that at the time had to be sent to the UK for developing - so it would be months before you saw the image you had taken!! Ours were sent from the developers to my grandparents, who would have a look at them through a hand-held viewer, before posting them back out to us. The quality was good, but all of the shots from the game reserve showed just a dot on the horizon, which was the animal we had spotted!
It wasn't long after we got there that we made our first trip to a game reserve, called Quiçama (pronounced Kiss-ah-ma), which was around 70 kms (43 miles) from the capital. In those days almost all the roads in Angola were dirt, in very poor condition, and in many places impassable during the rainy season, which left huge potholes where the water had been standing. My Dad had a Ford Anglia as his "company car", and as this was totally inadequate for a trip like this, he borrowed a Land Rover from a work colleague who hunted ...
which was not really the best vehicle to use in a game park, which contained, among other things, Lion, Elephant and many Buffalo! In fact, in the picture to the left of the vehicle is a fresh pile of elephant dung! That first trip we didn't see very much in the way of game - a lot of buffalo, including one that burst out of the undergrowth just in front of us crossing the road, and plenty of antelope, but no elephant or big cats, which was probably just as well seeing as we had no protection in the Land Rover!
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| The campsite - very basic at the time, with electricity in the process of being installed. |
Back in those days my Dad's camera was a 35mm Kodak Retinette with a standard fixed focus lens, which used film that produced slides that at the time had to be sent to the UK for developing - so it would be months before you saw the image you had taken!! Ours were sent from the developers to my grandparents, who would have a look at them through a hand-held viewer, before posting them back out to us. The quality was good, but all of the shots from the game reserve showed just a dot on the horizon, which was the animal we had spotted!
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| Sable Antelope - or Palanca Preta. One of the few photos where the animal was close! |
I was only 7 when we arrived in Angola, but I learnt that to spot wild animals you had to be very quiet, and look really carefully - and mean "look", not just scan the area. A spot of colour out of place, a bush moving in no wind, unusual sounds, slightest bits of movement - and smell! Sometimes you could smell that something was close by!
Sunday 4 February 2018
When is a lie, not a lie?
I pride myself on my honesty and integrity - you can call me anything you like, except a liar, as lying is something I never do. I may withhold information, so as not to cause offence, by not responding directly - for example if someone asked me if I thought they were beautiful, and I didn't, I would fudge a response, so I wouldn't tell them a lie, or change the subject, or simply not respond directly. Similarly if I do something wrong I will always own up to it, take responsibility for my actions, and not try and blame anyone else.
When I was at boarding school smoking was forbidden, but I, and others (and I know this included prefects who upheld the "law"), used to sneak off for illicit sessions. I was never caught directly with cigarettes on me, or actually smoking, but on 2 occasions while returning I was accosted by a prefect and asked directly "have you been smoking?" (note, this is not "where have you been?" which I could respond honestly without admitting any guilt) and I immediately admitted that I had. On one occasion the other boy with me denied he had smoked and got off scot-free, while I was severely punished (and the prefect later told me that he was the one they were really after, but his denial meant they could not take further action as all they had was suspicion!), but that didn't stop me from admitting a similar offence a year later, again when asked if I had been smoking, when denial would have gotten me off, but would have been lying!
The young friend who has looked after my house 4 times now, and who I have known for 8 years, though, is the real subject of this post. Lying seems to come easily to people here - from when they will turn up, to denial they did things (when you saw them do it!), and just generally telling you what they think you want to hear. Most are "little" lies - saying they will come at 10.00 and then arriving at 12.00 (timekeeping is a big issue in all Latin countries!), but swearing blind (including swearing on your mother's life, or crying) that you didn't break something when you were seen, or there could be no-one else to blame (as you were the only person there or using that item) is somewhat different.
This year the "friend" had a drug-induced breakdown and did some damage to my house, stole some items, and "borrowed" others - but it is the subsequent lying about some of the details that I am finding very hard to come to terms with.
He lost a set of house keys (the second time he has done this) and told me in a message that this happened just 2 weeks before my return, from a 6 month absence, though later I found out that it happened less than a month into my absence! He told me a story, which he repeated often, about where he lost the keys, though the keys turned up in my neighbour's garden, a long way from where they were "lost", but he had no explanation for that, and told me his story, oft repeated, about losing them in town had been a "joke"! A couple of days ago he told me he thought he was being chased (paranoia from the drug psychosis) so jumped over the fence, and must have lost the keys then, and this was just after I left.
My front door was smashed in - his sister told me he had put a pan on the stove and fallen asleep so the family had to break in to "save" him. I know this to be a lie as he told me he went out after putting the pan on, so he wasn't in the house in any danger (no fire or smoke damage either!), but in fact they had to break in as he had lost the keys! So his sister is also complicit in the lies. A pan was damaged, too, so badly burnt that the double base was destroyed!
He told me he had used some of my clothes as he had nothing to wear, but had washed them and replaced them. however I was looking for a shirt and asked him about it (he had moved things of mine all over) and he admitted he had it and would return it, which he did along with some other shirts. I asked if that was everything and he swore it was, but a few days later I couldn't find a book (one of a 7 part series), and he admitted he had that too, and returned it with some more clothing! Again he swore that he had nothing else, but then he posts a selfie on Facebook wearing a hoodie of mine (given to me by a friend in Iowa), and when I take him to task about that he returns it and even more shirts and shorts! Again he swears blind that he no longer has any of my things.
He, his sister and his mother have all assured me that they will repay for all the damages and losses I have incurred, but it is now over 5 months since I returned and I have seen nothing, not had any indications of when the repayment might begin.
He came round to my house two days ago as though nothing has happened (had not seen him or heard from him in over 2 months) expecting to be invited in, which I refused, telling him he had to regain my trust and friendship first. I told him that what hurt me almost as much as the thefts and damages, were the lies he has been telling me, as you should not treat a friend like that. He asked "what lies?" - so I pointed out specifically the ones about the things he "borrowed" and the lost keys. He said I had all things he had "borrowed" (as opposed to those he had sold!) back, so what was the problem, and though I pointed out the numerous times he swore he had nothing more and then when I found he had, he didn't seem to think the lies mattered as I got it all back!! Similarly with the keys, he said he was trying to explain how he lost them - by lying about it! I pointed out that he lied time and again, and then said the "story" was a joke, and wouldn't even tell me the truth when the keys were found nearby - it was at this stage he admitted jumping the fence to run away from an imaginary attacker!
I told him that in all the years we had been "friends" I had never lied to him about anything, something he acknowledged, but that I was having trouble accepting his continual lying - and that he had a lot of work to do to convince me I should forgive all and accept him back as a friend. He told me he "needed" me as a friend, as I meant so much to him, not least as a father figure, so I asked him why I "needed" him, if all he did was lie and take from me? He left avowing to regain my trust and friendship, but unless he can accept responsibility for his actions personally, and stop lying to me, I am not sure that it will ever happen.
When I was at boarding school smoking was forbidden, but I, and others (and I know this included prefects who upheld the "law"), used to sneak off for illicit sessions. I was never caught directly with cigarettes on me, or actually smoking, but on 2 occasions while returning I was accosted by a prefect and asked directly "have you been smoking?" (note, this is not "where have you been?" which I could respond honestly without admitting any guilt) and I immediately admitted that I had. On one occasion the other boy with me denied he had smoked and got off scot-free, while I was severely punished (and the prefect later told me that he was the one they were really after, but his denial meant they could not take further action as all they had was suspicion!), but that didn't stop me from admitting a similar offence a year later, again when asked if I had been smoking, when denial would have gotten me off, but would have been lying!
The young friend who has looked after my house 4 times now, and who I have known for 8 years, though, is the real subject of this post. Lying seems to come easily to people here - from when they will turn up, to denial they did things (when you saw them do it!), and just generally telling you what they think you want to hear. Most are "little" lies - saying they will come at 10.00 and then arriving at 12.00 (timekeeping is a big issue in all Latin countries!), but swearing blind (including swearing on your mother's life, or crying) that you didn't break something when you were seen, or there could be no-one else to blame (as you were the only person there or using that item) is somewhat different.
This year the "friend" had a drug-induced breakdown and did some damage to my house, stole some items, and "borrowed" others - but it is the subsequent lying about some of the details that I am finding very hard to come to terms with.
He lost a set of house keys (the second time he has done this) and told me in a message that this happened just 2 weeks before my return, from a 6 month absence, though later I found out that it happened less than a month into my absence! He told me a story, which he repeated often, about where he lost the keys, though the keys turned up in my neighbour's garden, a long way from where they were "lost", but he had no explanation for that, and told me his story, oft repeated, about losing them in town had been a "joke"! A couple of days ago he told me he thought he was being chased (paranoia from the drug psychosis) so jumped over the fence, and must have lost the keys then, and this was just after I left.
My front door was smashed in - his sister told me he had put a pan on the stove and fallen asleep so the family had to break in to "save" him. I know this to be a lie as he told me he went out after putting the pan on, so he wasn't in the house in any danger (no fire or smoke damage either!), but in fact they had to break in as he had lost the keys! So his sister is also complicit in the lies. A pan was damaged, too, so badly burnt that the double base was destroyed!
He told me he had used some of my clothes as he had nothing to wear, but had washed them and replaced them. however I was looking for a shirt and asked him about it (he had moved things of mine all over) and he admitted he had it and would return it, which he did along with some other shirts. I asked if that was everything and he swore it was, but a few days later I couldn't find a book (one of a 7 part series), and he admitted he had that too, and returned it with some more clothing! Again he swore that he had nothing else, but then he posts a selfie on Facebook wearing a hoodie of mine (given to me by a friend in Iowa), and when I take him to task about that he returns it and even more shirts and shorts! Again he swears blind that he no longer has any of my things.
He, his sister and his mother have all assured me that they will repay for all the damages and losses I have incurred, but it is now over 5 months since I returned and I have seen nothing, not had any indications of when the repayment might begin.
He came round to my house two days ago as though nothing has happened (had not seen him or heard from him in over 2 months) expecting to be invited in, which I refused, telling him he had to regain my trust and friendship first. I told him that what hurt me almost as much as the thefts and damages, were the lies he has been telling me, as you should not treat a friend like that. He asked "what lies?" - so I pointed out specifically the ones about the things he "borrowed" and the lost keys. He said I had all things he had "borrowed" (as opposed to those he had sold!) back, so what was the problem, and though I pointed out the numerous times he swore he had nothing more and then when I found he had, he didn't seem to think the lies mattered as I got it all back!! Similarly with the keys, he said he was trying to explain how he lost them - by lying about it! I pointed out that he lied time and again, and then said the "story" was a joke, and wouldn't even tell me the truth when the keys were found nearby - it was at this stage he admitted jumping the fence to run away from an imaginary attacker!
I told him that in all the years we had been "friends" I had never lied to him about anything, something he acknowledged, but that I was having trouble accepting his continual lying - and that he had a lot of work to do to convince me I should forgive all and accept him back as a friend. He told me he "needed" me as a friend, as I meant so much to him, not least as a father figure, so I asked him why I "needed" him, if all he did was lie and take from me? He left avowing to regain my trust and friendship, but unless he can accept responsibility for his actions personally, and stop lying to me, I am not sure that it will ever happen.
Thursday 1 February 2018
Seeing a doctor about a rash.
Aaround 6 years ago - I got a really bad rash on my lower left leg, which was painful, almost purple in colour, with the skin very dry and it appeared to be spreading. I went to our hospital here - which doesn't have an A&E - signed in and was asked to wait. This was just after 8 in the morning ... and I eventually saw the doctor at 4.00pm! There was a Dengue epidemic at the time, so I realised my problem was possibly not as life-threatening, and as it was my first visit to the hospital I wasn't sure if this was the norm!
When I finally got in the young doctor was very apologetic - he knew I had been waiting hours, and explained that he was the only doctor, with two nurses, for a population of around 10,000, funding was terrible, and he, in fact, hadn't been paid for months! He had a look at my leg and said he thought I should go and see a dermatologist in Seabra, some 70kms (40miles) away, but prescribed some cream. Next day I drove to Seabra, only to find that the dermatologist only holds a clinic twice a month, and the next one is 10 days away! I try to make an appointment but they tell me to just turn up on the day.
The rash spreads a little and also appears on my left arm, but not so bad, but by the time the clinic day arrives it is somewhat improved. I drive again to Seabra arriving just before 9.00am, and take a ticket - the ticket is just to be checked in at reception - so take a seat. After about 90 minutes my number is called, so I register, pay the R$300 (at the time about £75) consultation fee, and am told to come back at 11.30! I go and wander round Seabra for a couple of hours and come back and am told to take a seat again and my name will be called.Around 2.00pm I am called and see the dermatologist. He looks carefully at the rashes and tells me he thinks I should have some blood tests and come back again, but gives me a prescription for some more cream! I did tell him I had done some work in my garden and wondered if it was a plant allergy, something like poison ivy.
He gave me a piece of paper with a list of the tests he wants me to have done, so I take that to the local testing clinic back home and they tell me these will cost R$380 (£95), so I have some blood taken, and give them a urine sample, and wait for the results to come back - about 5 days. I then have to wait for the next dermatologist clinic, during which time my left leg heals, but I get another smaller rash on the right leg, and also some irritation on my right arm.
Clinic day and I head for Seabra, earlier than before so I arrive there at 8.15 (they open at 8.00) and the place is heaving! I take a number and this time it takes 90 minutes to get processed! When I am finally called my appointment is at .... 4.00pm! So I go home - rather than spend over 6 hours in Seabra. I am back there at 3.30 and am told to take a seat in a different waiting area, but that he is running a "little late". It was 7.30 before I get called in! He looks at the test result, looks again at my (by now much improved) arm and leg, and proceeds to tell me I have "sun insensitivity"! As I drive that it why it was worst on my left arm (left hand drive here) and leg! I explain that I only drive my car to come to Seabra, and in the intervening period I use a motorbike, so surely this "insensitivity" would manifest itself in other areas of my body - and that I felt, as I explained before, that it was possibly caused by a "poison ivy" type of plant in my garden that I was allergic to?
He repeated that it was a sun sensitivity and that I should cover up in the sun, and use SPF80 sunscreen all the time! Then said if it got any worse I should come and see him again! I finally got home around 9.00pm!
Fortunately I have not had the problem since, but am still not at all convinced it was caused by exposure to the sun - and I do not cover myself in factor 80 every time I go out - but I did learn a lot about the state of the Brazilian medical system - and that time is relative here!!
When I finally got in the young doctor was very apologetic - he knew I had been waiting hours, and explained that he was the only doctor, with two nurses, for a population of around 10,000, funding was terrible, and he, in fact, hadn't been paid for months! He had a look at my leg and said he thought I should go and see a dermatologist in Seabra, some 70kms (40miles) away, but prescribed some cream. Next day I drove to Seabra, only to find that the dermatologist only holds a clinic twice a month, and the next one is 10 days away! I try to make an appointment but they tell me to just turn up on the day.
The rash spreads a little and also appears on my left arm, but not so bad, but by the time the clinic day arrives it is somewhat improved. I drive again to Seabra arriving just before 9.00am, and take a ticket - the ticket is just to be checked in at reception - so take a seat. After about 90 minutes my number is called, so I register, pay the R$300 (at the time about £75) consultation fee, and am told to come back at 11.30! I go and wander round Seabra for a couple of hours and come back and am told to take a seat again and my name will be called.Around 2.00pm I am called and see the dermatologist. He looks carefully at the rashes and tells me he thinks I should have some blood tests and come back again, but gives me a prescription for some more cream! I did tell him I had done some work in my garden and wondered if it was a plant allergy, something like poison ivy.
He gave me a piece of paper with a list of the tests he wants me to have done, so I take that to the local testing clinic back home and they tell me these will cost R$380 (£95), so I have some blood taken, and give them a urine sample, and wait for the results to come back - about 5 days. I then have to wait for the next dermatologist clinic, during which time my left leg heals, but I get another smaller rash on the right leg, and also some irritation on my right arm.
Clinic day and I head for Seabra, earlier than before so I arrive there at 8.15 (they open at 8.00) and the place is heaving! I take a number and this time it takes 90 minutes to get processed! When I am finally called my appointment is at .... 4.00pm! So I go home - rather than spend over 6 hours in Seabra. I am back there at 3.30 and am told to take a seat in a different waiting area, but that he is running a "little late". It was 7.30 before I get called in! He looks at the test result, looks again at my (by now much improved) arm and leg, and proceeds to tell me I have "sun insensitivity"! As I drive that it why it was worst on my left arm (left hand drive here) and leg! I explain that I only drive my car to come to Seabra, and in the intervening period I use a motorbike, so surely this "insensitivity" would manifest itself in other areas of my body - and that I felt, as I explained before, that it was possibly caused by a "poison ivy" type of plant in my garden that I was allergic to?
He repeated that it was a sun sensitivity and that I should cover up in the sun, and use SPF80 sunscreen all the time! Then said if it got any worse I should come and see him again! I finally got home around 9.00pm!
Fortunately I have not had the problem since, but am still not at all convinced it was caused by exposure to the sun - and I do not cover myself in factor 80 every time I go out - but I did learn a lot about the state of the Brazilian medical system - and that time is relative here!!
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