Crossing the line

A young friend of mine did something today that made me question a lot of things about friendships, and especially ones where there is a large age difference. When I first came to Brazil 7 years ago I volunteered at a small children's charity, and met this young man who was 17 at the time. He had been attending the charity previously, but was now hanging around as he fancied one of the female volunteers from the UK!
He used to come to the charity often, and later developed a more serious relationship with another young English volunteer, which continued after she finished her internship, and she in fact returned the following year for a holiday with him. When she left I think he realised that the relationship was over and it affected him considerably, and he visited me a few times to talk about it and what he wanted from life. He was still at High School at the time, and eventually graduated, which isn't that common amongst young people where I live, though he found it very hard to get regular work in this area, with tourism being the main employer.
I do not make friends easily, I have many acquaintances but very few what I would call "close" friends, but he and I developed a friendship - not a really close one as I felt (still feel) unable to get that close anyone that much younger than me, with different values and different cultural background, but I would consider him a friend. He used to pop in periodically for a chat, or to use my internet, have a coffee, and so on, and on occasions I would pay him to do some odd jobs around the house (like breaking up old floor tiles so I could lay new ones).
He was living at home with his parents and three siblings in a very small house, and had no privacy but couldn't afford to move out and find a place of his own due to irregular low-paid work. When I had to leave Brazil for 6 months due to not having permanent residence I saw a solution to both our problems - I needed someone to look after my house and he needed somewhere to stay, so I asked him if he would like to stay rent-free while I was away, and I would also leave enough money for the utility bills for the duration - effectively all he had to do was provide himself with food (though I understand he went "home" most days for that!!).
This worked well the first two years I had to leave, though, perhaps foolishly, I also gave him some money by way of thanks when I returned. I say "foolishly" as he then started asking how much I would pay him to look after my house, until I pointed out that the rent money he was saving, and not having to pay utilities was worth a lot to him, especially as the alternative was living back at home as he still did not have regular work. I thought that the arrangement had been mutually beneficial, and especially as I considered him a friend, so was surprised that he simply saw it as a financial arrangement.
The third year he said he was only prepared to live in one or two days a week, which I was not happy with, particularly since my house is out of the way, and I just felt that he would not come and check regularly, but he refused to consider living in, so I arranged for a neighbour to keep an eye on my place - but that came at a price!
This year he approached me and asked if he could stay in my house again while I was away - he was out of work, living at home in very cramped accommodation with no privacy, and was very stressed out. I agreed but explained that although I would again leave money for the utility bills I didn't think I could afford to pay him anything much for staying, as again I explained how much he was "saving" by having the run of my house. So he moved in as I left for Peru.
While I was away he messaged me asking how much I was paying him, and again I explained that much would depend on what state the house was in on my return (one year he lost the keys so I had to change all the locks, including 3 padlocks!), but that it wouldn't be a lot, again pointing out the financial and mental benefits of him living in my house. A few weeks later he messaged again asking if I could pay him R$2000 as he needed that to buy a motorbike, or if I could loan him that - and again I responded that there was no way I could afford that, either as payment for staying, or a loan (that I knew he couldn't afford to repay!). I did, however, pay him something upon my return, though by then was questioning our "friendship" as it was beginning to look as though he was only interested in what he could get out of me. 
What was I getting out of the relationship? It is hard to tell, though I felt he was a young man with potential, and needed a father figure to offer him guidance, something his own father (who kept walking out on the family and then returning) was not giving him, and he often used to say that he valued my advice and friendship. I was concerned that he used cannabis frequently, and admitted that he had taken harder substances, and on occasions he appeared so spaced out I was worried about him, though he insisted he was simply in a bad place mentally due to lack of work.
So, to the crossing of the line today. He arrived at my door in an obviously very disturbed state - he was holding himself very stiff, staring straight ahead, and barely speaking. We had a coffee and he relaxed a little, and told me he had to find somewhere to stay as he was feeling claustrophobic at home as he had no privacy, but also had no money to rent anywhere (he had asked me before if he could rent a room from me but I told him at the time that the almost 40 year age difference would be a big problem as I wanted peace and quiet and he liked to play music loud all the time!). He asked for another coffee and we chatted some more.
He kept fiddling with himself "down there", something which is actually commonplace here so didn't worry me unduly, but then placed his hand inside his shorts and took his erect penis out!! I immediately remonstrated with him, explaining that this was something you didn't do in company, and he put it away but he replied that this wasn't "company" but friends, and he needed to do something to relax. I pointed out that this was not the place for that, and asked if he would do it in front of his parents, brothers and sisters, or male friends, and when he said "no way!" asked then why he felt it OK to do it in front of me, as this was extremely disrespectful. 
He said he couldn't do it at home, even in the bathroom as they would know what he was doing, but I told him that no matter what it was rude, insulting and disrespectful to think it was OK in my presence. He then said he thought I might want to watch! I explained that just because he didn't see me chasing women that didn't mean I was interested in men, and he said he didn't mean that, but maybe I liked both. I again pointed out that even if I did like men, it would be shocking if a male friend I was not in a physical relationship with started doing that in front of me - but he said he would do that with a female friend as well! He asked how I would react if a woman started playing with herself in front of me, and I said that unless we were in a relationship I would be equally shocked and offended.
He apologised, though I told him I was not sure I could accept the apology as he had crossed a line, and what had happened could not be undone by simple words, especially as by his conversation afterwards it did not appear as though he felt he had done anything wrong.
He stayed a while longer before asking to borrow some money for cigarettes and then left. Leaving me wondering what had happened and what it meant to our "friendship". Did he think I was friends because I "desired" him in some way? Did others view a friendship between a 63 year old man and a 24 year old in that way? Was any friendship between men with such an age difference possible without appearing "odd"? Was I incredibly naive in believing that I could have an innocent friendship with a much younger man, especially in a country where they consider every Gringo to be rich? I mean, I know that despite him claiming that I am probably his "only friend" here I now that his understanding of "friend" is probably a lot different to mine - I am his go-to guy, when he needs a lift, or to borrow some money, or simply a quiet place to go to talk to someone. We are from completely different backgrounds, educationally, socially and culturally so don't have a lot in common, and I know that I will never view him in quite the same way in the future - I did in fact warn him that if he ever pulled a stunt like that again he would never come to my house again. I am too trusting, and always try and see the good in people, and that faith in my fellow man has been sorely tested yet again!

Not looking for romance

I am a simple person, well after all, I am a man, at least last time I looked, and I like life uncomplicated.
While in Peru in 2014 I was leaving my apartment one day when I came across a lady standing in the street looking up at the building - she asked me about the apartments as she was looking for somewhere to move to (though she was put off by the rent I quoted I was paying!). When she heard my accent she asked where I was from, and then told me she had an English friend, who, like me, spent 6 months a year in Huanchaco, and we should meet up. Yay, I love matchmakers! We are both English, both single, and therefore must want to hook up. I made some excuses about being busy at the moment and went on my way, thinking that would be the end of it.
Two weeks later there is a knock on my door - she (the Peruvian lady, not her English friend) had tried every apartment looking for me, which wasn't that hard as there were only 4 of them. I invited her in out of courtesy, and she told me her friend was about to return to the UK, but also told me a potted version of her own life history - single mum (I guessed mid-forties), ex-husband in Argentina, where she lived with him for many years, doesn't know anyone here so is lonely (though has family in Trujillo, 10 kms, away as that is where she was originally from), no social life, and so on. I could barely get a word in edgewise, and she spoke very fast, but my understanding of Spanish was up to the task.
She again invited me round to meet her friend, for coffee or a meal, and again I made my excuses - I was just about to embark on my first motorbike trip - but she gave me her business card (she worked in a beauty salon) with phone number and email address, and asked me to get in touch when I got back.
As soon as she left I sent an email trying to explain that I was not looking for a relationship with anyone, hoped I had not misunderstood her intentions, and wishing her well. I hoped that might be the end of it! But a week later she again arrives at my apartment - she is unable to access her emails. so never got my message! Her friend has now left and she is very lonely, and only has her 10 year-old son for company, and never gets a chance to go out. I ask her about her family in Trujillo, and she says she doesn't really get on with them, as they disapproved of her marriage to an Argentinian and move there, so they won't help her, and also she lost touch with all her old friends while out of the country for so long.
I am feeling very uneasy about all this, especially as she keeps saying how important my friendship is - but my command of Spanish is not up explaining this effectively, and I get the impression she is not really listening to what I am saying anyway, and I trying so hard to say that I am not interested. After she goes I even try sending text messages, but next time I see her she says she cannot access text messages on her phone!
She even brings her son round to meet me one afternoon, on the way back from school! Then one evening she comes round in a really bad state, all weepy and saying how things are really tough for her, and has no-one to talk to, and values my friendship and really thinks highly of me - and I have no idea how to respond to this as I do not want to encourage her, but have no idea how to gently explain my feelings, and hoping I am not putting out the wrong signals, as everything I am doing seem to be encouraging her. A couple of days later she comes round in the morning, and after a good deal of beating around the bush asks if she can borrow 50 Soles (around £12), as work is slow and she needs to buy some food for her son. Yeah, I know, alarm bells are now going off, but I agree, hoping that this will change the relationship dynamics.
I start ignoring the door, too, as I can see who is there without being seen, both day and night - cruel, I suppose, but I cannot think of a better way of getting the message across. Things do go quiet for a while - I am doing some more trips on my bike, and don't see her at my door. Then I am on the way, on foot, to the market one morning when I bump into her with another man, who she introduces as her ex visiting from Argentina. She pays me back the 50 Soles, which I never expected to see again, and invites me for coffee with them both as her ex-husband is only visiting to see his son for a few days. Iam genuinely on a tight schedule so make my excuses. Then 2 days later I bump into him on his own, and he again invites me for coffee - I try to explain that I don't think it is a good idea, but I have trouble explaining things like this in English, let alone in a foreign language!
That wasn't long before my time in Peru in 2014 ended, and I didn't see either of them again before I left. 2015 I stayed in a different apartment block and saw no sign of her, so thought she must have finally got the message, and possibly moved away as well because Huanchaco is a very small town. That is until two weeks before I was leaving to return to Brazil. I often walk along the seafront promenade in Huanchaco, as I love the sea and definitely need the exercise, though I do tend to avoid the busiest times (festivals, weekends, and so on). This particular day was a Saturday and I had walked along about half the length of the promenade, which was fairly busy, but as is my wont I wasn't paying much attention to other people around me (too busy trying to avoid potholes in the pavement, and not bump into people), and instead of turning round and returning the same way, through the crowds, I cut through one block and returned along a street parallel to the seafront. Suddenly I heard my name being called, and turned to see her with her son and sister hurrying along behind me. I had walked past them buying something from a street vendor, and she recognised me.
Big hugs and introductions - it sounded as though her sister knew all about me - and the inevitable invitation to go and have coffee then and there, or for a meal tomorrow at her family home in Trujillo! I was genuinely on my way to a meeting (I do some irregular work with a small charity in Huanchaco), but she gave me her new phone number and extracted a promise that I would call to arrange something! Good Lord! I thought it was guys that had trouble taking a hint! It has been 12 months, and she is acting as though we are best friends and only parted yesterday.
Simple? I have never had a more complicated relationship - or non-relationship as I have been doing everything I can think of not to get involved. As I only have a fortnight left, and she now does live in Trujillo, 10 kms away, and doesn't know where I am staying this year, I am hoping that this will be the end of it - at least until 2016 when I return to Peru again - but I definitely get the feeling I am being stalked!